Journal

Whatever

05/30/2004

So... let's see... what's new... hmm... not much. Oh, I ordered some CD's from Little Indian in the UK. Namely, I now have two Kelli Ali albums, and a new Emiliana Torrini single. I'm in love with the song Weird Friendless Kid off of that album, To Be Free. In other news, I've been taking lots of digital photos and working on invitations for my sister's wedding. Speaking of working on the invitations, I've come to the conclusion that paper cutters suck. I had an old arm type cutter that was flawed in several ways: it cut at something close to a 91 degree angle, had a crooked set of gridlines for positioning paper, and had a really bad ruler for gauging cuts. I also had a wheel type cutter that wobbled ever so slightly producing wavy cuts. I've been receiving an inordinate amount of coupons from OfficeMax lately so I thought it might be wise to invest in a better cutter, arm based again to ensure a straight cut. Well, the new cutter is similarly flawed to its predecessor. You think with modern technology, they could design an affordable cutter that cuts straight, 90-degree angles, with an accurate ruler and "perfectly" square and properly aligned grid. Is that too much to ask? Right, I know... it's too much to ask. The solution was to print crop marks on everything, which I suppose is the general solution to that problem.

Beverage: Coke

Music: Emiliana Torrini - Weird Friendless Kid

Lesson learned

05/19/2004

Lesson learned. Never continuously light and re-light a lighter over the course of an hour or so. I'm not sure if the blister on my thumb was from the heat or the repetitive grinding of the process. I need to find better hobbies. In other news, I was sitting here trying to think of something to write when I noticed a spider stalking me. Maybe it wanted my fingers, maybe it wanted my mouse... I don't know. I tried the humane approach and had a cup ready to capture it... and of course I failed. So... I thought inaction was the best approach... let it go... it's freaked out, it won't come back. Right... I knew it would be back; spiders are like that, they just can't stay away. Once you find yourself in a situation such as mine, it will return for whatever reason. Maybe they're curious, maybe they're that predatory or territorial... who knows... not this individual. I'm sitting here minding my business and the thing runs across my arm. I should keep the scissors farther away. Right, so... I grazed my arm with the blade and the spider is no more. Lesson learned, eh?

Beverage: watered down Dr. Pepper

Music: Equinox - Nova Man

uh...

05/13/2004

Included for your viewing pleasure:

Random digital camera shots

Beverage: nothing

Music: The Cure - Saturday Night

whatever

05/13/2004

Another month, another entry... that's only fair, right? As for actual news, I've been working on the new site layout and I think it's headed somewhere. I know... I've been noncommittal in implementing it... mainly because I keep changing my mind. I'll get around to it eventually... hopefully before the end of the year. There, I said it. It's not happening soon.

What else to talk about... must change the subject... ah... right, so I'm not really talking to anyone any more other than Melissa. That means my social life can be summed up into one word: nonexistent. Right, yeah... so... I've been trying to rationalize my existence and I've also been photographing random things. I bought some close-up lenses (the screw on filter type) and have been having fun trying to get anything captured in focus and properly illuminated. My current best effort involves a tripod, a shop light, and my camera's self-timer. I should invest in a cable release or a remote... and a macro ring flash would help. On that note, I should win the lottery... or maybe play the lottery, as that's usually required if you're going to win. Actually, I should find a job, a real job, with some sort of realistic and consistent pay. Right... so... checklist of things I need to obtain: new friends, new job, new life. The order there isn't set in stone. Okay... it's 11:41 AM on a Thursday. Now what? How's an antisocial person supposed to meet people anyway? Entertainment has lost all meaning for me; it's probably a bad thing. My idea of fun is photography, writing poetry, coding, and waiting for it to rain. Not much to work with. I don't even think I care about making art anymore... it's very sad.

Here's an odd image I dug up for no good reason:

What's the point of it all? I used to feel driven to put that sort of thing together... I used to have paint stains in my bathtub and India drawing ink stains on my fingertips. Everything changes, the world changes, the seasons change if only to repeat themselves, year after stubborn year... why shouldn't I? I'm dying a little bit each day and I'm just letting the days slip by without a fight. What year is it? I almost wrote 2003 on something today. What happened that changed everything for me? I've been out driving at 2 AM to 4 AM for the past few nights. I hate driving, but there's something mystical about being alone in a car, alone on a road, and not headed anywhere. Maybe that sums up my life: it's always 3 AM and I'm alone, no direction, no purpose, just me avoiding my dreams because they've lost their magic and this is the only substitute. I thought about going to see a movie today, maybe working on this site, maybe not suffocating... Where's the rain when you need it? I think I see sunlight through the cracks around my windows. It's a bad sign, a bad sign indeed.

Beverage: nothing

Music: The Cure - Fascination Street