Journal

Vacation's over

08/18/2003

School started back

Beverage: ?

Music: ?

Out the Window

08/17/2003

I just wrote a poem and it turns out it only took me three minutes to write it. That's not good. In any event, I thought I'd share.

Out the Window

dust off the face lift

broken cat claw

another racist

turns water into wine

brushing the coat

of the divine

I'm tortured

I torture myself

I'm broke and broken

put my thoughts into a bottle

and corked it up right tight

cast it out into the night

I feel like I'm floating

floating

without a sail or a motor

just adrift in what I can't see

sold out

sold out to the front lines

I'd cash my check but my life bounced

out the window

falling fast

out the window

like a penny from the Empire State

sun streaked like gold and fire

sparking light like white metal

and I'm free

I'm free from this disparity

I'm in the clear blue sky

holding out wings but for a feather

floating on air

passing by

in my dreams

in my waking screams

I echo like the silence

I echo my own flat cry

kicking sawdust in my eye

hit the breaks

by the butcher's by

hallowed and hollow halls

tinsel treasures

hit the breaks

on these coveralls

and I'm close

and I'm closer

catch myself like a disease

like a sneeze

I'm there

and then I'm gone

Beverage: Coke, watered down and not-so-cold

Music: Balligomingo - Privilege

Breaking news; watch out for debris

08/17/2003

My computers are so old... it's really sad. I have a PII 400 that I use for various things and I've been looking at potentially getting a new system. I don't really want to spend the money though and I really don't actually need anything faster than what I have. If anyone wants to donate something in the range of 3.2ghz to the cause, I'd be willing to put your name up in lights... well... more like animated GIF's that blink in some mesmerizing on/off fashion. It's worth it though; trust me. In other exciting news... I'm still waiting for my copy of Chuck Palahniuk's new novel Diary. I thought it was to be released sometime around the first of the month. However, Amazon keeps sending me reminders saying that the book hasn't shipped yet and that it isn't available yet. Maybe one day... so much for my hope of getting to read it before school started back up. Then again, I still haven't finished reading Walden. I did order a few other things from Amazon and those have since shown up. I'm currently listening to Balligomingo, which is sort of like a less-ethereal/more-pop Delerium clone. I think the reviews on Amazon were terrible but I bought it anyway. I'm addicted to music... I probably need professional help.

Other excitement: my friend Andy invited me to her house warming party on Saturday but I failed to show up. I think that had something to do with the following... I would have been required to drive on the interstate and for some reason I feel like I'm going to die when I do that, I hate parties, I hate crowds, I don't drink, I'm going deaf and loud noises make my ears ring and also prevent me from being able to discern anything that anyone is saying, I'm anti-social, and I wouldn't have really known anyone else there anyway. I need to get a life. Besides, I think all of this programming is starting to get to me. I actually dream about code, it's not good. If it's not already in a psychology book out there, I would presume that it will be listed as a symptom of some neurosis or computer related addiction. Maybe one day they'll discover that radiation exposure is addictive and it will open up a whole slew of amusing and frivolous lawsuits... Just think, computers, television, cell phones... oh well... it wouldn't be as much fun as if someone tried to claim food was addictive... oh wait... they're already doing that. Maybe the only untapped frontier is air. Think about it... ever try to go a few minutes without the stuff? I guess people might have trouble trying to collect on that one though.

Beverage: Coke, watered down and not-so-cold

Music: Balligomingo - Falling

Bookworms ate my brain

08/16/2003

Somehow I've still managed to not finish going through boxes from the move back in February. I've been digging through random things, mostly garbage that I have since disposed of, and sorted it down to the garbage that I'm keeping. I'm horribly sentimentally attached to some really stupid stuff that I really need to throw away. For instance, I found a box full of stuff from my ex. This is stuff that I tried, and failed, to return to my ex, told my parents was trash, and yet somehow I find it again with all of my stuff. I guess I should go through it but I'm afraid to. That whole relationship/breakup left me feeling pretty bad and finding that stuff... I'm sort of depressed about it now. I always blame myself before I blame anyone else... and I really feel like, in this case, I screwed up in the worst possible way. What makes it worse is that she was my best friend and it's been years now since I've talked to her. Wow, I feel really stupid. New topic.

I spent the evening with my parents labeling circuit breakers at my old house. It's under contract, hopefully closing in a week, and this was something that needed to be done prior to the sale. It's weird but I don't miss the old house at all. That's sort of contradictory to the whole sentimental-topic up above I suppose. On the other hand, memory-wise, I guess I attach more weight to people and things than to places. Other than that, I've been thinking about how bad parking is going to be at school this semester. Enrollment is supposed to be very high and they're doing all sorts of construction on campus... and that somehow involved destroying half of a parking lot and closing a parking deck for an addition or something. I think they're in the process of making some temporary/permanent new lots... across a four lane road on the complete opposite end of campus from my classes. I'm guessing I'll end up parking there due to the above. Maybe if I leave five hours early I'll be able to find a closer space... right. I guess I am looking forward to the semester though. I have my books, horribly boring books, and it's just a matter of another day until I get to crack them open, stare cross-eyed into space, and mutter an astounding, "huh?"

Beverage: Coke

Music: Balligomingo - Purify

The residue of my existence

08/07/2003

It's 5:48 am and I can't seem to do anything productive. I've been going through random boxes of junk from my old house and it's lots of fun... well... not exactly. I found some stuff that was actually glued together with ballpoint pen ink... that metallic-purplish-black-cheap-disposable-pen kind of ink. I guess after 10-15 years in an attic those things don't hold up very well. The good news is that water seems to completely dissolve it. So, the once tar like substance is no more. Also on the plus side, I found most of my Lego bricks. I should weigh them but it would probably be around 45lbs worth and that scares me. Then again, you can never really have too many Lego bricks, can you?

Beverage: Green Apple (melted) Slush (from Sonic)

Music: Eddie Brickell & New Bohemians - What I am

Title goes here

08/07/2003

I finally got around to finishing the new material for the site today. I've been putting it off for no good reason that I can think of. I actually had a lot of material ready on 7/8/2003 and just never uploaded anything. It's odd that I'm rectifying that situation on 8/7/2003, eh? Any how... What's new in my life? I've only seen Stacy a few times in the past 15 days due to random things happening in her life. Either she has terrible luck or, as she says, the world hates her. She's had car trouble with two cars, she stepped on a rather large piece of glass, had stitches, and is just now getting to the point where she can walk without too much trouble, and lots of other random things. Oh well... at least I get to see her more than once every six months.

Beverage: Green Apple Slush (from Sonic)

Music: Dramarama - Anything, Anything